Monday, May 9, 2011

I Want To Come Home

     My day job is our family, specifically homeschooling the girls.  I take this seriously.  I study books on how to do this better, spend time researching websites and education theories in an attempt to do my best and give our girls the best they can have education wise.  I attend conventions, listen to speakers and talk to other moms who have been there done that.  In every way except monetary incentives this is my career. 

     Then in the evening, and on weekends I go to a store and work there.  I sell them my time, my energy, my smile, and my best in customer service as well as the knowledge I have in the department.  I am thankful in many ways for this job because it helps financially.  Since I do need a job, I am thankful for this one, and that I can help people, that it is flexible, that it provides 50% dental and medical coverage because even half covered helps.  It's a good group of people. 

     The problem is me.  My heart.  My desire.  I long to be home.  I ache to stay here.  I don't think it's unbiblical for a mom to work or a woman to work, I read WAY to many instances in scripture where women had no choice and did so (Ruth!), or had a career (Lydia-seller of purple),  in fact even that Proverb where Superwoman is described (Prov. 31) talks about her working with her hands and buying and selling property.  If that's not working, I don't know what is.  

     I want a miracle.  I want something to change for the positive that will allow me to come home. I want to devote more time to practicing what I am learning about how to teach and train our children.  There are things happening at work that make it a less enjoyable place to be, but those are just strands of straw, not the whole pile.  My energy is needed at home.  My attention is needed by my children. I am not sure I can take another summer of not seeing my husband except once a month or so when we are both awake.  I'm not sure I can handle for another season being gone at bedtime five nights a week.  I want to be home to read aloud to them, to pray with them, to tuck them into bed. 

     Time is slipping by and my babies are growing into girls and young women faster than I ever dreamed possible.  Saying it goes fast doesn't describe it.  It's like watching a minute of sand filter through the hourglass, you see it and before you fully understand, it's gone.  Forever.   I don't want to look back and say, "I wish I would've been home more." I'm saying it now. I want to be home more. 

     I hate whining and it feels like I am dangerously close to doing just that.  As I said above, since I do need a job, I am thankful for the one I have.  I am thankful for the extras it allows our family, like trips to Illinois to see a wedding, homeschool conferences, soccer for a child who has wanted to play.  I'm thankful. I promise.  If there is any other way, if God could work a miracle for us, I would be thankful for that in so many ways. 


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