My day job is our family, specifically homeschooling the girls. I take this seriously. I study books on how to do this better, spend time researching websites and education theories in an attempt to do my best and give our girls the best they can have education wise. I attend conventions, listen to speakers and talk to other moms who have been there done that. In every way except monetary incentives this is my career.
Then in the evening, and on weekends I go to a store and work there. I sell them my time, my energy, my smile, and my best in customer service as well as the knowledge I have in the department. I am thankful in many ways for this job because it helps financially. Since I do need a job, I am thankful for this one, and that I can help people, that it is flexible, that it provides 50% dental and medical coverage because even half covered helps. It's a good group of people.
The problem is me. My heart. My desire. I long to be home. I ache to stay here. I don't think it's unbiblical for a mom to work or a woman to work, I read WAY to many instances in scripture where women had no choice and did so (Ruth!), or had a career (Lydia-seller of purple), in fact even that Proverb where Superwoman is described (Prov. 31) talks about her working with her hands and buying and selling property. If that's not working, I don't know what is.
I want a miracle. I want something to change for the positive that will allow me to come home. I want to devote more time to practicing what I am learning about how to teach and train our children. There are things happening at work that make it a less enjoyable place to be, but those are just strands of straw, not the whole pile. My energy is needed at home. My attention is needed by my children. I am not sure I can take another summer of not seeing my husband except once a month or so when we are both awake. I'm not sure I can handle for another season being gone at bedtime five nights a week. I want to be home to read aloud to them, to pray with them, to tuck them into bed.
Time is slipping by and my babies are growing into girls and young women faster than I ever dreamed possible. Saying it goes fast doesn't describe it. It's like watching a minute of sand filter through the hourglass, you see it and before you fully understand, it's gone. Forever. I don't want to look back and say, "I wish I would've been home more." I'm saying it now. I want to be home more.
I hate whining and it feels like I am dangerously close to doing just that. As I said above, since I do need a job, I am thankful for the one I have. I am thankful for the extras it allows our family, like trips to Illinois to see a wedding, homeschool conferences, soccer for a child who has wanted to play. I'm thankful. I promise. If there is any other way, if God could work a miracle for us, I would be thankful for that in so many ways.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Second Grade, Fifth Grade and Junior High
Oh MY! I could spend the entire blog post talking about how quickly the time has passed and wondering where it went or bemoaning what we have not yet accomplished. But that's the past and it's the present. So I'm going to take this gift and go with it!
Tis the season, rain, flowers, warm weather, and homeschool conventions. And homeschool conventions mean planning so you can buy ahead and save shipping! It's a lot like Christmas for mom and not quite like Christmas for the kids. Toys seem to get a louder cheer than new Math books. Imagine that.
With Jr. High looming ahead in the fall I knew it was time. Time to start planning high school. Can you imagine? I try hard not to, honestly. But the reality is it's coming and we need to be prepared. It's time to think about online schools or classes, what Math and what Science she's going to need. It's time to consider Grammar and Writing in ernest and since planning is something I enjoy I even find it a bit exciting. I'd rather plan than teach. *gasp* I don't anticipate Literature being a problem, but labs for Science. . .that's another story. And in fact, they need to start NOW so she has a good idea what she's doing when it's time to keep records for potential Colleges to look at in the future. Oh help.
Thankfully, the convention I attended in Illinois had several sessions about planning high school. I brought home great information and even a resource for planning that I didn't know existed til I found it. I was able to hear Jay Wile, the author of Jr. and Sr. High Science curriculum speak about how to use it and what groundwork needs to be in place for which specific sciences. Praise God! I've had time to think, time to talk with Tim and then last night I found a sweet deal with the curriculum and the dvd lecture series for less than the price of the dvds. I can check Science off our Jr. High needs list.
As I confessed, I do enjoy planning more than the actual dirty work. It's going to be a challenge over the next couple of months to school while I'd rather think ahead and plan. But it's critical. Planning without doing is garbage! As I type this I have one one the computer doing school and one enjoying a fun read. We still need to do our read aloud Science, History/Geography and Bible. It'd be easy to let today slip by without doing it. We're going to do it anyway.,
Next Thursday is the next homeschool convention, and before that, on Monday I've coordinated a curriculum sharing day. Moms in our area will bring curriculum they use and like to share with others who are interested in seeing it. Conference is overwhelming and getting a chance to get hands on with curriculum first is something I think will help some of the newer homeschool moms. I'm hoping someone will bring Latin, but I don't think anyone around here is using it. We'll see.
At the convention I really don't have a lot I need to buy. The next levels of Math U See student books are all that are on my list as BUY. There are still several LOOK AT items but even those will likely have to wait. Latin for Children, English From the Roots Up, and a Greek Curriculum are on my look at list. What I really can't wait for is the used book sale at the end of May!! Is there a homeschool mom alive who doesn't love books?
Well, real life is calling my name, or rather my children are talking to me which means it's probably a good time to get started on our afternoon work. My goal for today is not to be toady. To not lose my temper, and to make it through our work. If there's a laziness problem in this house it likely starts with me!
Tis the season, rain, flowers, warm weather, and homeschool conventions. And homeschool conventions mean planning so you can buy ahead and save shipping! It's a lot like Christmas for mom and not quite like Christmas for the kids. Toys seem to get a louder cheer than new Math books. Imagine that.
With Jr. High looming ahead in the fall I knew it was time. Time to start planning high school. Can you imagine? I try hard not to, honestly. But the reality is it's coming and we need to be prepared. It's time to think about online schools or classes, what Math and what Science she's going to need. It's time to consider Grammar and Writing in ernest and since planning is something I enjoy I even find it a bit exciting. I'd rather plan than teach. *gasp* I don't anticipate Literature being a problem, but labs for Science. . .that's another story. And in fact, they need to start NOW so she has a good idea what she's doing when it's time to keep records for potential Colleges to look at in the future. Oh help.
Thankfully, the convention I attended in Illinois had several sessions about planning high school. I brought home great information and even a resource for planning that I didn't know existed til I found it. I was able to hear Jay Wile, the author of Jr. and Sr. High Science curriculum speak about how to use it and what groundwork needs to be in place for which specific sciences. Praise God! I've had time to think, time to talk with Tim and then last night I found a sweet deal with the curriculum and the dvd lecture series for less than the price of the dvds. I can check Science off our Jr. High needs list.
As I confessed, I do enjoy planning more than the actual dirty work. It's going to be a challenge over the next couple of months to school while I'd rather think ahead and plan. But it's critical. Planning without doing is garbage! As I type this I have one one the computer doing school and one enjoying a fun read. We still need to do our read aloud Science, History/Geography and Bible. It'd be easy to let today slip by without doing it. We're going to do it anyway.,
Next Thursday is the next homeschool convention, and before that, on Monday I've coordinated a curriculum sharing day. Moms in our area will bring curriculum they use and like to share with others who are interested in seeing it. Conference is overwhelming and getting a chance to get hands on with curriculum first is something I think will help some of the newer homeschool moms. I'm hoping someone will bring Latin, but I don't think anyone around here is using it. We'll see.
At the convention I really don't have a lot I need to buy. The next levels of Math U See student books are all that are on my list as BUY. There are still several LOOK AT items but even those will likely have to wait. Latin for Children, English From the Roots Up, and a Greek Curriculum are on my look at list. What I really can't wait for is the used book sale at the end of May!! Is there a homeschool mom alive who doesn't love books?
Well, real life is calling my name, or rather my children are talking to me which means it's probably a good time to get started on our afternoon work. My goal for today is not to be toady. To not lose my temper, and to make it through our work. If there's a laziness problem in this house it likely starts with me!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What to do with her?
My middle child causes me more concern than the other two combined at times. She has a soft heart for some things and a hard, stubborn heart for others. She'll cut her own nose off to spite her face. Or, ruin her work in an effort to spite me, which of course as the adult we know perfectly well hurts only her.
The stomping. The temper. The anger and frustration. The stubbornness and defiance while silent is no less horrid than if it were screamed. It's no less a "You can't make me!" than the words spoken out loud.
In the past month she lost every single toy and doll she had on her bed, and let me tell you, that was considerable. She has earned back just two of those items despite having the opportunity to earn them ALL back by doing jobs. She'd rather not.
I can see in her eyes hatred and can see the furious energy radiating from her. I stand strong before her but inside feel a desperation. How can I help this child? I can not cave in, that does not help her, it would only feed the sin. Would only confirm that what she is trying works. But it doesn't work. It hurts her, it cripples her from the person she could and can be.
I have a chart called Wise Words for Mom's by Ginger Plowman. I find myself turning to it daily and reading the suggested questions and verses there. Yesterday she wrote out and memorized two verses to help her resist lying. Today it looks like it will be about Defiance and Laziness. Because, in truth, that is what she is pulling today. I can only hope that in the future these little battles will culminate in a Victory over the War and that her heart will belong fully to Christ.
It would be far easier to pack her off to school and not have to deal with this. To wash my hands and say it is the teacher's problem. We would likely fight over homework but again I could wash my hands and say that I can only make her do so much. It's true. It's just as true here at home, except here at home, I love her. A teacher wouldn't love the same way.
Just one more day in the life of a homeschool mom written in the basement and looking forward to sunshine in the future!
The stomping. The temper. The anger and frustration. The stubbornness and defiance while silent is no less horrid than if it were screamed. It's no less a "You can't make me!" than the words spoken out loud.
In the past month she lost every single toy and doll she had on her bed, and let me tell you, that was considerable. She has earned back just two of those items despite having the opportunity to earn them ALL back by doing jobs. She'd rather not.
I can see in her eyes hatred and can see the furious energy radiating from her. I stand strong before her but inside feel a desperation. How can I help this child? I can not cave in, that does not help her, it would only feed the sin. Would only confirm that what she is trying works. But it doesn't work. It hurts her, it cripples her from the person she could and can be.
I have a chart called Wise Words for Mom's by Ginger Plowman. I find myself turning to it daily and reading the suggested questions and verses there. Yesterday she wrote out and memorized two verses to help her resist lying. Today it looks like it will be about Defiance and Laziness. Because, in truth, that is what she is pulling today. I can only hope that in the future these little battles will culminate in a Victory over the War and that her heart will belong fully to Christ.
It would be far easier to pack her off to school and not have to deal with this. To wash my hands and say it is the teacher's problem. We would likely fight over homework but again I could wash my hands and say that I can only make her do so much. It's true. It's just as true here at home, except here at home, I love her. A teacher wouldn't love the same way.
Just one more day in the life of a homeschool mom written in the basement and looking forward to sunshine in the future!
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